Divorce can be a traumatic experience. It can also be a difficult time not only for the divorcing couple but for family members on both sides. When the divorced couple have children the situation can be even more intense. People on both sides of the fence tend to play the blame game. But should you remain friendly with your in-laws after the divorce. Yes, if possible. In this article we will examine the reasons why you should strive to have an amicable relationship with the family of your ex-spouse.
If you get along with your in-laws there is no reason not to keep your relationship on good terms. Just because you and your spouse decide to part there is not need to cease contact with your in-laws. If you have children you should make every effort possible to remain on friendly terms. It is important to keep in mind that these people are still your child’s family. That doesn’t change just because you get divorced.
Children deserve the right to know both sides of the family. If your child is old enough to understand he/she will begin to question why he/she no longer gets to visit certain relatives if you have distanced yourself from the other side of your child’s family. Even if your child does visit your ex-spouse’s family it can still be uncomfortable for you if the relationship between you and your former in-laws is on shaky ground. If you hold animosity toward your former in-laws it would be in your best interest and that of your children to forgive any past transgressions and stop holding a grudge. Leave the past where it belongs – in the past.
My first marriage ended in divorce and we had two young sons. During the divorce and shortly thereafter there remained some hard feelings between us but it didn’t interfere with family relationships. It didn’t take me long to realize that having a civil relationship with my ex-husband was in the best interest of my kids. My ex-husband’s father picked up the boys every weekend just as he had before and he even came to see my new son after I remarried. He instructed the two older boys on how to be careful around the baby. When both of my in-laws passed away I attended the funerals with my new husband and my kids from both marriages. My former in-laws always remembered all of my children on holidays and birthdays and didn’t show any favoritism. I appreciated that. Not all families are that fortunate after divorce.
People often have difficulty forgiving and getting on with their lives. They seek to place blame while holding on to the hurt they are feeling. Of course that solves nothing and only serves to make the situation more difficult for everyone especially the kids. In many cases, family relationships are not as strong as they once were. There are several factors that contribute to this lack of strong family ties. They include divorce, lifestyle, work and many others but it doesn’t have to be that way. We have a choice to let past mistakes eat away at us or we can forgive and move on.
Children deserve to have a loving relationship with both sides of the family. Divorce doesn’t have to prevent that from happening. Just because the relationship between two parents ends it doesn’t mean the children of that union can’t continue to enjoy the love of all his/her family members.