There is a natural reaction among parents to protect their children from others at any cost, a behavior that many parents transfer over when it comes to their child and the rules of the school in which they attend.
It would be nice if there were a mythical behavior school where parents could send their children to learn the many rules of institutions and social situations, but this is not so, which is why the parents must act as the behavior school. The first place to start is at home, establishing rules of behavior for your children while they are living with you; however, you can’t expect these rules to transfer over when they are at school.
For example, and for simplicity, let’s say you allow your child to say “damn” at home; however, they get in trouble for saying it in front of a teacher at school and wind up in detention for a day. As a parent, what should you do?
The answer is nothing. Stay out of it. This is an important lesson for your child to learn. Your child must learn that there is a different standard of rules and behavior for every situation and for every location. If you don’t teach this to your children now it can affect them at their jobs and throughout their educational career. If you step in on your child’s behalf every time he/she gets in trouble for breaking school rules all your teaching your child is that the rules laid down in society don’t apply to them. You don’t want to do this.
However, this is not to say that you should completely ignore your child when they come home upset about getting into trouble. Always listen to your child’s explanation and weigh their actions against the consequences. We live in a society where it is not uncommon for adults to be unfair to children, so you will still want to protect your children to a degree; however, the true purpose behind your own behavior school should be to teach your child how to function properly outside the walls of your household.