It seems that the most important factor in your being able to influence your teenager is the strength of your relationship with him or her. When there is a good parent/child relationship, a teen is more apt to have a healthy view of life and will be easier to motivate than others.

 

If a parent who has a superficial relationship with his or her teenager tries to motivate the teen toward some type of academic or life skills goal, chances are slim that the methods will be effective. Simply lecturing a kid, or telling him or her what to do, will actually undermine any effort that you have made to spur your teenager on toward loftier goals. Another way to undermine your efforts is to condescend to your teenager.

 

Teens need to be treated as whole people, not just as students, children or delinquents. They also need to be shown how to be successful. If you can help your teenager to develop a positive attitude about life in general, they're more likely to develop a higher degree of motivation. Stress to them the value of their education. You also should spend some time asking your teen questions so that you can better understand their motivation or lack thereof. Ask your son or daughter what their goals are. Ask how you can help and then make yourself available when they come to you. If you put them off time and time again, chances are that they�ll stop asking for help altogether.

 

As you set goals together, also discuss consequences for not meeting those goals, i.e. not completing homework, not doing physical exercises, etc. Teens need all the help that they can get. If you don�t offer it to them, they�ll seek it out elsewhere. In order to ensure that the help they get is help that will motivate them toward higher goals, it�s best that you, as a parent, are the source of most of their help and encouragement.

 

Hana C.

Pittsburgh, PA

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Being a Life Coach for your Teen.              Reply to this Comment A one size fits all approach to motivating teens is never successful. Like adults, teens have many faucets to their personality and what will and will not motivate them. Some kids do well with the fear of privileges being taken, others praise and encouragement etc. To really motivate a child you first need to find out what he/she feels motivated by. Does this teen feel validated by praise or money? Does he/she feel a sense of self pride when others notice what they do or is it enough to know they did the right thing? Teens today have a real need to feel respected; getting to know what makes them feel accomplished and successful and engaging them to assist the family in clearing defining what is expected from them by the family, school, society coupled with what they expect from themselves will motivate them to achieve. Assist them in setting future goals, most teens have no idea what they want for themselves. If they want to be the next big rap star...let them have that dream. Use it to show you believe in them and what they need to do today to get what they want in the future...in other words use that dream to motivate them....use it to help them realize that it takes goals, work, and achievement to get what they want in life... use it to assist them in drawing a life map for themselves. I believe too many parents judge and degrade their kids under the name of discipline. This doesn't work for adults and it will not work for kids. Set clear expectations with clear consistent consequences, coupled with recognition for positive behavior and when delivering consequences keep it light and empathetic. Instead of seeing yourself as a disciplinarian.... try looking at your role in your child life as his Life Coach.                By:  TrishS64        Posted: Jul 04 2009 Motivating Teens              Reply to this Comment There is a lot to say about letting go of your teen within a safe boundary...you let them make some decisions and when they come back to you with a good or even a bad decision then you can calmly sit down and talk with them about the outcome. Always being in control or judgemental will only cause problems. Letting the teen take control of some of their life makes a big difference in letting them mature and grow up.                By:  Nana Vicki        Posted: Aug 06 2009 The silent killers of student success              Reply to this Comment After 25 years of working with teens as a teacher, youth worker and motivational speaker I've found that the thing that stops most teens from succeeding and achieving has nothing to do with their IQ or their brain power. I've identified 6 factors that I've called the 'silent killers of student success'. They often work together to create a whirlpool effect, dragging down teens' motivation, sense of self-worth and ultimately, their grades. What are these 'killers'? In summary they are- 1/Incorrect assumptions, particularly the belief that brains=success. 2/Memory of past failures - undermines their confidence and motivation. 3/Low expectations - their own and those of significant people in their lives like parents and teachers. 4/Negative self-talk. 5/Blaming others - this really means not taking responsibility for their own life and success. 6/Inability to change - or at least the belief that they can't change or that change is very difficult to achieve. Separately or together these 'killers' can destroy student motivation. But, they can be overcome! And parents can certainly play a major part in helping their teens beat the silent killers and achieve their potential. I'd love to talk more about this if people are interested! You can find out more about how to beat the silent killers at www.asktheteacher.com.au/better_grades_article.htm                By:  jezbots        Posted: Aug 06 2009 silent killer of motivation              Reply to this Comment jezbots wrote: "After 25 years of working with teens as a teacher, youth worker and motivational speaker I've found that the thing that stops most teens from succeeding and achieving has nothing to do with their IQ or their brain power. I've identified 6 factors that I've called the 'silent killers of student success'. They often work together to create a whirlpool effect, dragging down teens' motivation, sense of self-worth and ultimately, their grades. What are these 'killers'? In summary they are- 1/Incorrect assumptions, particularly the belief that brains=success. 2/Memory of past failures - undermines their confidence and motivation. 3/Low expectations - their own and those of significant people in their lives like parents and teachers. 4/Negative self-talk. 5/Blaming others - this really means not taking responsibility for their own life and success. 6/Inability to change - or at least the belief that they can't change or that change is very difficult to achieve. Separately or together these 'killers' can destroy student motivation. But, they can be overcome! And parents can certainly play a major part in helping their teens beat the silent killers and achieve their potential. I'd love to talk more about this if people are interested! You can find out more about how to beat the silent killers at www.asktheteacher.com.au/better_grades_article.htm" I read your comment and I am very interested in obtaining more information about your insights. Our fourteen is really struggling and I recognize the silent killers but I am unsure how to turn around the negativity. I would appreciate any guidance you can provide.                By:  momssharecare        Posted: Feb 10 2010 The silent killers of student success              Reply to this Comment jezbots wrote: "After 25 years of working with teens as a teacher, youth worker and motivational speaker I've found that the thing that stops most teens from succeeding and achieving has nothing to do with their IQ or their brain power. I've identified 6 factors that I've called the 'silent killers of student success'. They often work together to create a whirlpool effect, dragging down teens' motivation, sense of self-worth and ultimately, their grades. What are these 'killers'? In summary they are- 1/Incorrect assumptions, particularly the belief that brains=success. 2/Memory of past failures - undermines their confidence and motivation. 3/Low expectations - their own and those of significant people in their lives like parents and teachers. 4/Negative self-talk. 5/Blaming others - this really means not taking responsibility for their own life and success. 6/Inability to change - or at least the belief that they can't change or that change is very difficult to achieve. Separately or together these 'killers' can destroy student motivation. But, they can be overcome! And parents can certainly play a major part in helping their teens beat the silent killers and achieve their potential. I'd love to talk more about this if people are interested! You can find out more about how to beat the silent killers at www.asktheteacher.com.au/better_grades_article.htm" I also have a 14 year old that is struggling. She is more interested in socializing and her grades are slipping. I would love some suggestions.                By:  anjnk        Posted: Mar 08 2010 Motivation              Reply to this Comment I recently started working as a Youth Development Specialist and a lot of my case load involves at risk students. The other day when I was talking with them I have found that the big problem is that they are not motivated to do their work, or fine with just "getting a passing grade". Any suggestions or ideas would be greatly appreciated!                By:  PinkGlitter        Posted: Mar 08 2010

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