It can be a real challenge to appreciate your teen during the times when she is so blatantly coloring outside the lines, so to speak. You are irritated with her, but also quite concerned and even frightened for her. It's difficult to appreciate your teen when she looks like someone you wouldn't want to meet in the proverbial dark alley.

 

There are so many truly legitimate areas in which parents must intervene to protect and guide their children, that it makes some sense to be judicious in commenting on everything that concerns you about your child. These are the times to pick your battles, and to look for positive things to emphasize. Think about what areas you can't comprise in. These would include health and safety, school, and reasonable house rules. They might not include the color of clothing your child wants to wear! Try to overlook the black wardrobe, and focus instead on the good grades.

 

Try to support and encourage the passion with which your child views poverty or hunger issues and try to turn a deaf ear when she uses slang that sounds like she was born in inner-city Detroit. It is possible to appreciate your teen for the good things she is involved in and let go of the smaller irritations. Believe it or not, another way to appreciate your teen is to point out to her the errors and mistakes you made at her age. Tell her about the time you skipped school and got caught. Tell her you certainly appreciate that she does not do such dumb things.

 

Many parents think that this kind of revelation or admission will give their children permission to make the same errors. But the reverse is actually more likely to be true. If teenagers see their parents as only perfect people who spend all their time criticizing, they will turn a deaf ear. They may even assume that they will always make huge mistakes and be disappointments to themselves and their families. But if parents share their own foibles, teenagers are more likely to see their parents as human. They may even be more likely to listen to mom and dad if they feel their parents have had some of the same experiences and challenges they are facing today. So make some efforts to appreciate your teenager. As difficult as it may sometimes be, it will pay huge dividends in strengthening your relationship with them.

 

Kirsten

Savannah, GA

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thank you              Reply to this Comment i am in a teenage stage and sometimes i never understand why my mother and i get into so many fights. she has never told me anything about her past... well anything she could have possibly done wrong anyway so i guess i sort of thought of her as perfect. and lately i noticed that i have been pointing out her mistakes because i feel like i was the only one in the house hold that made mistakes. i want to show her this article and i hope that she will take it into consideration that i'm not trying to make her mad i just don't want to be the only inperfection in her life. thank you anyway for writing this article                By:  mislead        Posted: Apr 07 2009 appreciating your teen              Reply to this Comment mislead wrote: "i am in a teenage stage and sometimes i never understand why my mother and i get into so many fights. she has never told me anything about her past... well anything she could have possibly done wrong anyway so i guess i sort of thought of her as perfect. and lately i noticed that i have been pointing out her mistakes because i feel like i was the only one in the house hold that made mistakes. i want to show her this article and i hope that she will take it into consideration that i'm not trying to make her mad i just don't want to be the only inperfection in her life. thank you anyway for writing this article" ...I know how it feels thinking you are the only one with imperfections. But I wanna encourage you to always have a place for forgiveness in your heart because there will be more people (like your mum) who will fall short of your expectations from them. Please give her more time to learn how to share her past with you. Try not to expect too much from her;she's not impeccable. And continually remind yourself of the capacity you have to forgive and move on. I believe in you! Best wishes!                By:  professor        Posted: Oct 26 2009 Summer Vacation to Remember              Reply to this Comment If you want to give them something they will truly thank you for, send your teen on a tour with Big Brother Backpacking. They specialize in providing students with adventure tours across Europe, without the worry that accompanies sending your teen to a foreign continent. Since their tour guides let the student travelers make the decisions on destinations in real-time, it is essentially the same as backpacking with a small group of close friends.                By:  Haddie        Posted: Jan 05 2010 my sister              Reply to this Comment my sister is 16 going on 17 and she has been really depressed lately and i was looking for advice from somebody that might kno wat she is going though                By:  *melissa*         Posted: Feb 02 2010

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